How forced traumatic events can lead to transformation.

You hear the heartfelt stories or read the books about people who have had life-altering trauma (be it through illness, death, separation or loss of careers, etc.) that make massive changes in their lives.

• They tick off their “buck-list” to-do lists.
• Resolve family indifferences.
• Achieve the unimaginable.
• Leave a positive imprint, impact, and a legacy.
• They change their lifestyle habits and views.

But it all takes life-altering events (sometimes incredibly traumatic) as a catalyst to make these changes.

This may have affected you personally and may be your story.

My story was through cheating and a rough separation, and it FORCED me to make a change. It led to self-discovery, new countries, a new passion, and newfound confidence.

Even now as I sit here and write this, I know the changes I wish I could currently make in my life 18 years later, the things I have always wanted to do: being healthier, leaving my “day job” (which I know I cling to for security), spending more energy on my passion career, spending more time with family & friends, but either time, circumstances, and finances have not allowed it, or just the lack of drive.
Though, if I had a limited time left, would I ACTIVELY take that ACTION to make it happen?
Would that be the FORCE to do what I had always wanted to do but feared it?
Fear of the unknown, the insecurity, the “what if”?

 

But if I had nothing to lose, would that be the difference?

I have done it before!

This is what I have been pondering. What is the mindset shift that is required to make these transformations, without the forced trauma events to activate them?
To have the joy of achieving what you thought was unachievable, unattainable-without the heartbreak.

Don’t get me wrong, of course a lot of people do incredible things without the “trauma” trigger. But think-what would be the thing you would want to do if your life changed drastically overnight?
What would be most important to you? What would be your legacy? What would become your focus, and let’s be honest, is it also reflective if time and money were not a factor?

 

 

Yep, I know they are BIG questions, with many variables.

At the time, the trauma you are facing seems unbearable. The future is unfathomable. Just getting through the day is a struggle. How is anything positive going to come out of this?

It is not always something you realise straight away until you have time to reflect, and that can even take years.
Your life is forced to alter course, and before you know it you’re headed off into a new direction.
Sometimes navigating this new direction isn’t easy and it hits bumps, twists and turns. It has detours with unexpected destinations.

But the transformations can be amazing and lead to experiences, people, and connections you didn’t think possible.

For me personally, the pain is still there-it was shit, I can’t lie, but I look at my hardships now with gratitude. I wouldn’t have taken the path I am now on without it, and it has had an incredible impact on my life.

I cannot say what it is like for you. The passing of a loved one is something that doesn’t go away, and comes in waves of grief; I too have had more than my fair share of these over recent years, and the physical pain of grief still hits me when I least expect it. Illness and disability of course have their individual struggles that only you can understand.

With that said, not all trauma that is forced upon us has a positive life-changing effect-I want to acknowledge that.
But for the narrative of this story, the focus is on the positive lifestyle changes these traumatic events have led to, and to reflect on them, and would we have actively made these changes otherwise is the question.

 

 

 

 

OK, what can I do to make these changes NOW?

Here’s some tips for you (and me) to start making steps!

1. Name one fear, and take one micro-action against it:
   Write down something you’ve been avoiding out of fear (e.g., starting a business, taking a solo trip, having a hard conversation). Then take just one small action toward it this week. The momentum builds from tiny brave moments.
2. Create a “legacy list,” not just a bucket list:
   Think beyond thrill-seeking and write down 3–5 things you want to be remembered for. Then circle just one and brainstorm how to start living it now. Legacy begins with alignment.
3. Audit your energy, not just your time:
   At the end of each day for a week, jot down what made you feel drained vs. what gave you energy. Start consciously shifting just 10% more time toward the energising stuff, even if it’s just 15 minutes a day.
4. Build your “support ripple”:
   Share your goals or mindset shifts with one trusted friend or community (online or offline). Speaking it out loud creates accountability and connection. You don’t have to wait for crisis to feel supported.
5. Do a “What If I Had 6 Months Left?” exercise:
   Without judgment or practicality, journal freely: “If I had just 6 months to live, what would I stop doing, start doing, or change immediately?” See what truths rise. Pick one action from that list to begin, today.

 

 

So, here is a challenge-what is one thing you can actively make a change for the positive without it being FORCED upon you?

Let me know in the comments or reach out with your positive action, I will be doing this with you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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